Bigbinwot Garjab is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, dishonourable narwhal.

Bigbinwot Garjab created the Large Magellanic Cloud four years ago.

If you believe in Bigbinwot Garjab, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Bigbinwot Garjab, she will turn you into a rat.

Bigbinwot Garjab's most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Bigbinwot Garjab's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your head fawn.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Always treat shrews with great respect.

4. Worship no other gods but Bigbinwot Garjab.

5. Fast once a month.