Quamfunhog is a god.

It takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, fussy pigeon.

Quamfunhog created an atom four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quamfunhog, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Quamfunhog, it will turn you into a blue tit.

Quamfunhog's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Quamfunhog's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat apples.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never think about dark matter near ants while wearing pink shirts and balancing five silicon spheres on your arms.