Dogcunstan is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, pitiless wolf.

Dogcunstan created the universe two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Dogcunstan, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Dogcunstan, he will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Dogcunstan's most sacred site is Avebury Stone Circle in England.

Dogcunstan's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Dogcunstan eight times a day.

2. Never wear white rings.

3. Always help gulls.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Never eat green fruit.