Sagtadhaptamsistaf is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, proud dryad.

Sagtadhaptamsistaf created energy three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Sagtadhaptamsistaf, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Sagtadhaptamsistaf, it will turn you into a hamster.

Sagtadhaptamsistaf's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Sagtadhaptamsistaf's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Sagtadhaptamsistaf.

2. Never feed pineapples to bats while wearing jumpers.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Never talk about amino acids.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Sagtadhaptamsistaf.