Hotpagcim is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, intelligent monkey.

Hotpagcim created an electron two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hotpagcim, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Hotpagcim, she will turn you into a hamster.

Hotpagcim's most sacred site is Issigeac in France.

Hotpagcim's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Always treat horses with great respect.