Gesstigjip is a god.

She takes the form of a slender, intelligent tortoise.

Gesstigjip created a Higgs boson nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gesstigjip, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Gesstigjip, she will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Gesstigjip's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Gesstigjip's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Gesstigjip.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Never hurt birds.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Do not drink water in brown rooms.