Carlitcad is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, self-assured tapir.

Carlitcad created oxygen two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Carlitcad, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Carlitcad, he will throw large rocks at you.

Carlitcad's most sacred site is Landsort in Sweden.

Carlitcad's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about manatees.

2. Never hurt gulls.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Never wear fawn coats.