Larnteensom Bastontmil is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, grumpy turtle.

Larnteensom Bastontmil created a photon five billion years ago.

If you believe in Larnteensom Bastontmil, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Larnteensom Bastontmil, he will ignore you and hope you go away.

Larnteensom Bastontmil's most sacred site is Didy in Madagascar.

Larnteensom Bastontmil's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Larnteensom Bastontmil.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not commit murder.

5. Pray towards the west.