Haptadbag is a god.

She takes the form of a six hundred metre long, bad-tempered mole.

Haptadbag created time and space five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Haptadbag, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Haptadbag, she will send minions to preach to you.

Haptadbag's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Haptadbag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Never go into blue rooms.

3. Do not wear lead on your body.

4. Never look at black holes.

5. Hide if four snails approach from the south.