Wapwatvan is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, calm octopus.

Wapwatvan created a top quark six billion years ago.

If you believe in Wapwatvan, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Wapwatvan, she will turn you into a mouse.

Wapwatvan's most sacred site is Faux Cap in Madagascar.

Wapwatvan's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt cats.

2. Always wear fawn.

3. Never think about the strong nuclear force.

4. Do not dye your hair purple.

5. Dogs are not to be trusted.