Tonfadstragwipkap is a god.

She takes the form of a four hundred metre long, ruthless crane.

Tonfadstragwipkap created a charm quark four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tonfadstragwipkap, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Tonfadstragwipkap, she will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Tonfadstragwipkap's most sacred site is Dimson in England.

Tonfadstragwipkap's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if eight seals approach from the west.

2. Never eat lentils.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Feed all hungry dolphins.

5. Fast once a month.