Jongumhen is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, witty crocodile.

Jongumhen created a strange quark nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jongumhen, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Jongumhen, she will turn you into a slug.

Jongumhen's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Jongumhen's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Jongumhen.

2. Erect three tin sculptures of Jongumhen on top of important buildings.

3. Never talk about fluid mechanics.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Always look after injured snails.