Ripbifkem is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, dishonest gorilla.

Ripbifkem created an up quark five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ripbifkem, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Ripbifkem, she will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Ripbifkem's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Ripbifkem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not kill monkeys.

2. Never bounce in holy places.

3. Never talk about comets.

4. Never wear jumpers.

5. Never think about cell theory.