Gutlig is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, intelligent penguin.

Gutlig created an electron seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gutlig, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Gutlig, he will turn you into a plant.

Gutlig's most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Gutlig's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if eight cats approach from the south.

2. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.

3. Never wear white shorts.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Gutlig.