Gatbafwon is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, omnipotent goat.

Gatbafwon created parasitic wasps two billion years ago.

If you believe in Gatbafwon, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Gatbafwon, she will turn you into a snail.

Gatbafwon's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Gatbafwon's Holy Commandments

1. Do not kill whales.

2. Do not drink water in yellow rooms.

3. Never write about dark energy.

4. Never wear shirts.

5. Never think about optics near foxes while wearing brown shoes and balancing nine copper spheres on your legs.