Nullnartkin Gabcinbeg is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, competent tortoise.

Nullnartkin Gabcinbeg created a down quark nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nullnartkin Gabcinbeg, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Nullnartkin Gabcinbeg, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Nullnartkin Gabcinbeg's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Nullnartkin Gabcinbeg's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Nullnartkin Gabcinbeg.

2. Erect a large gold sculpture of Nullnartkin Gabcinbeg on top of all buildings.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Never write about dark energy.

5. Never talk about quantum field theory.