Armpashan is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, compassionate eagle.

Armpashan created vertebrates six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Armpashan, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Armpashan, she will attempt to scare you with hail.

Armpashan's most sacred site is Aranganur in India.

Armpashan's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Never feed lots of limes to ants while wearing fawn stockings.

4. Squirrels are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Do not wear red clothing.