Veensanddithoggephap is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, selfish seal.

Veensanddithoggephap created the universe seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Veensanddithoggephap, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Veensanddithoggephap, she will turn you into a slug.

Veensanddithoggephap's most sacred site is Cobbelsdorf in Germany.

Veensanddithoggephap's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your face yellow.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Never eat bark.