Volzakfidtap is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely small, unsympathetic gorilla.

Volzakfidtap created Mount Everest nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Volzakfidtap, it will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Volzakfidtap, it will have a low opinion of you.

Volzakfidtap's most sacred site is Polagam in India.

Volzakfidtap's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Erect a giant indigo sculpture of Volzakfidtap in the centre of the settlement.

3. You must love Volzakfidtap.

4. Never laugh in holy places.

5. Never think about bacteria.