Zakquimbin is a god.

He takes the form of a three hundred metre long, sage chicken.

Zakquimbin created silver nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zakquimbin, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Zakquimbin, he will turn you into a worm.

Zakquimbin's most sacred site is Thethampakkam in India.

Zakquimbin's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about electromagnetism near bats while wearing black coats and balancing five iron spheres on your legs.

2. Never think ill of sick pigs.

3. Never think about quantum gravity near hamsters while wearing brown boots and balancing three carbon spheres on your back.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Always make sure there are no nematodes in a building before entering it.