Citjatveen is a god.

It takes the form of a three hundred metre long, resourceful cow.

Citjatveen created Europe six billion years ago.

If you believe in Citjatveen, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Citjatveen, it will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Citjatveen's most sacred site is Snapp in Sweden.

Citjatveen's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Citjatveen loves swans, so they must be honoured.

4. Never talk about dark matter.

5. Never leap in holy places.