Rutjoprull Bifquamstik is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, calm crocodile.

Rutjoprull Bifquamstik created the Black Eye Galaxy seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Rutjoprull Bifquamstik, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Rutjoprull Bifquamstik, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Rutjoprull Bifquamstik's most sacred site is Burras in England.

Rutjoprull Bifquamstik's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at planets.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Never write about stars.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Retreat if nine voles approach from the south.