Fotlophan is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, annoying unicorn.

Fotlophan created a charm quark eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Fotlophan, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Fotlophan, he will turn you into a worm.

Fotlophan's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Fotlophan's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Retreat if nine seals approach from the east.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Always help grasshopers.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.