Gempadzun is a god.

She takes the form of a slender, duplicitous aardvark.

Gempadzun created a top quark six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gempadzun, she will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Gempadzun, she will destroy your favourite star.

Gempadzun's most sacred site is Villaseta in Italy.

Gempadzun's Holy Commandments

1. Gulls are not to be trusted.

2. Do not trade with those who eat lemons.

3. Never wear hats.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Do not laugh in public.