Lanstanlik is a god.

He takes the form of a six thousand metre long, dishonest scorpion.

Lanstanlik created a quark four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lanstanlik, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Lanstanlik, he will turn you into a small brown duck.

Lanstanlik's most sacred site is Cusihuiriachi in Mexico.

Lanstanlik's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Always help grasshopers in need.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.

5. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.