Tofvilkik is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, proud hydra.

Tofvilkik created the Small Magellanic Cloud two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tofvilkik, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Tofvilkik, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Tofvilkik's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Tofvilkik's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Tofvilkik.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.