Flamzenveen is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, blissful porpoise.

Flamzenveen created tapeworms two million years ago.

If you believe in Flamzenveen, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Flamzenveen, she will turn you into a giant snail.

Flamzenveen's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Flamzenveen's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Never think about spacetime near badgers while wearing orange rings and balancing eight zinc spheres on your back.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Never look at planets.

5. Always help sick hamsters.