Queegdissvin is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, generous narwhal.

Queegdissvin created carbon nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Queegdissvin, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Queegdissvin, she will come to you in dreams.

Queegdissvin's most sacred site is Gara in Hungary.

Queegdissvin's Holy Commandments

1. Put Queegdissvin first in all things.

2. Never talk about the weak nuclear force near gulls while wearing indigo tights and balancing four gold spheres on your arms.

3. Never feed aubergines to monkeys while wearing skirts.

4. Never talk about enzymes.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate sheep.