Barngonvol is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, unsympathetic lobster.

Barngonvol created a photon eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Barngonvol, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Barngonvol, it will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Barngonvol's most sacred site is Landsort in Sweden.

Barngonvol's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Seals are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Barngonvol loves sharks, so they must be respected.

5. Do not drink alcohol.