Ripdodwig is a god.

He takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, fussy mole.

Ripdodwig created the universe three million years ago.

If you believe in Ripdodwig, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Ripdodwig, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Ripdodwig's most sacred site is Manja in Madagascar.

Ripdodwig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear platinum on your body.

2. Never write about amino acids.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Always help sick dolphins.