Dimflowjarn Bopdumfun is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, unsympathetic bear.

Dimflowjarn Bopdumfun created a top quark four billion years ago.

If you believe in Dimflowjarn Bopdumfun, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Dimflowjarn Bopdumfun, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Dimflowjarn Bopdumfun's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Dimflowjarn Bopdumfun's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about nebulae.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Hide if three birds approach from the north.

4. Do not eat bread.

5. Dimflowjarn Bopdumfun loves whales, so they must be honoured.