Wonvolzust is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, vain turtle.

Wonvolzust created Mount Everest two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Wonvolzust, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Wonvolzust, he will turn you into a snail.

Wonvolzust's most sacred site is Manja in Madagascar.

Wonvolzust's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick dogs.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Do not eat strawberries.

5. Always stare at clouds.