Jipflabfem is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, uncaring hummingbird.

Jipflabfem created the Small Magellanic Cloud three billion years ago.

If you believe in Jipflabfem, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Jipflabfem, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Jipflabfem's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Jipflabfem's Holy Commandments

1. Always help ducks in need.

2. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.

3. Never write about fluid mechanics.

4. Always help sick eagles.

5. Run away if six cats approach from the north.