Dag is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, compassionate crocodile.

Dag created Europe eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Dag, it will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Dag, it will turn you into a sparrow.

Dag's most sacred site is Troms in Norway.

Dag's Holy Commandments

1. Manatees are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Dag.

3. Hide from blue dogs for they are unholy.

4. Never go into gray rooms.

5. Retreat if nine great tits approach from the east.