Tunyokbonk is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, ruthless swan.

Tunyokbonk created gold eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tunyokbonk, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Tunyokbonk, he will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Tunyokbonk's most sacred site is Ylike in Finland.

Tunyokbonk's Holy Commandments

1. Never skip near otters.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Never feed grapes to seals while wearing rings.

5. Do not hurt porpoises.