Jabfetcen is a god.

She takes the form of a six thousand metre long, all-knowing troll.

Jabfetcen created the Sol system eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Jabfetcen, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Jabfetcen, she will send minions to preach to you.

Jabfetcen's most sacred site is Sarti in Greece.

Jabfetcen's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about gravity near doves while wearing purple coats and balancing four copper spheres on your face.

2. Never think about special relativity.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Always make sure there are no pigs in a building before entering it.

5. Never write about moons.