Tuncudwig is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, deceitful weasel.

Tuncudwig created humanity eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tuncudwig, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Tuncudwig, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Tuncudwig's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Tuncudwig's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from yellow seals for they are unholy.

2. Never chant in the presence of sharks.

3. Never think about nebulae.

4. Do not eat lentils.

5. You must pray to Tuncudwig seven times a day.