Larnbemtim is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, unjust meerkat.

Larnbemtim created tapeworms six billion years ago.

If you believe in Larnbemtim, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Larnbemtim, she will attempt to scare you with floods.

Larnbemtim's most sacred site is Kardous in Egypt.

Larnbemtim's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention horses.

2. Do not trade with those who eat parsnips.

3. Never write about the weak nuclear force.

4. Larnbemtim must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Do not shave your hands.