Xemloopvig is a god.

He takes the form of a three thousand metre long, astonishing human.

Xemloopvig created light eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Xemloopvig, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Xemloopvig, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Xemloopvig's most sacred site is Estedt in Germany.

Xemloopvig's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Xemloopvig.

3. You must pray to Xemloopvig four times a day.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Xemloopvig must be the most important thing in your life.