Cebtargbaf is a god.

It takes the form of a five thousand metre long, emotional dugong.

Cebtargbaf created the Milkyway three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cebtargbaf, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Cebtargbaf, it will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Cebtargbaf's most sacred site is Chilhac in France.

Cebtargbaf's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Do not hurt dolphins.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Run away from mauve moths, for they are unholy.