Fidveenbessyogyartkimnar is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, tiresome chinchilla.

Fidveenbessyogyartkimnar created the Whirlpool Galaxy four million years ago.

If you believe in Fidveenbessyogyartkimnar, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Fidveenbessyogyartkimnar, she will turn you into a sparrow.

Fidveenbessyogyartkimnar's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Fidveenbessyogyartkimnar's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate mites.

2. Never feed pineapples to pigs while wearing violet shirts.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate doves.

5. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.