Funxinwonnegganpan is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, kind lizard.

Funxinwonnegganpan created dark energy six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Funxinwonnegganpan, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Funxinwonnegganpan, she will turn you into a plant.

Funxinwonnegganpan's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Funxinwonnegganpan's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if four tapirs approach from the south.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of zinc.

5. Never eat green fruit.