Gemyikpog Stipcubwab is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, overgenerous spider.

Gemyikpog Stipcubwab created a down quark nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Gemyikpog Stipcubwab, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Gemyikpog Stipcubwab, he will turn you into a duck.

Gemyikpog Stipcubwab's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Gemyikpog Stipcubwab's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear turquoise.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Always help tortoises in need.

4. Do not eat beans.

5. Do not hurt sheep.