Tailcepquim is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, charitable squid.

Tailcepquim created vertebrates nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tailcepquim, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Tailcepquim, she will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Tailcepquim's most sacred site is Avebury Stone Circle in England.

Tailcepquim's Holy Commandments

1. Tailcepquim must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Never wear jumpers.

3. Run away if nine sheep approach from the east.

4. Never talk about mice.

5. Do not dye your hair violet.