Fitvabxem is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, tranquil grasshopper.

Fitvabxem created the universe two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fitvabxem, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Fitvabxem, she will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Fitvabxem's most sacred site is Yerakini in Greece.

Fitvabxem's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured squirrels.

2. Put Fitvabxem first in all things.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Do not make images of living things.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.