Xucfarncussfon is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, generous squid.

Xucfarncussfon created bats nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Xucfarncussfon, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Xucfarncussfon, he will be very unhappy.

Xucfarncussfon's most sacred site is Úbeda in Spain.

Xucfarncussfon's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Never write about dark matter.

3. You must love Xucfarncussfon.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Xucfarncussfon.

5. Never think about solid mechanics.