Fethaknak is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely small, clever newt.

Fethaknak created the cosmos three million years ago.

If you believe in Fethaknak, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Fethaknak, it will try to impress you with trees.

Fethaknak's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Fethaknak's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Fethaknak must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Never talk about gravity near capybaras while wearing black skirts.

5. Do not shave your legs.