Kemtarpflap is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely thin, moody crow.

Kemtarpflap created the Sombrero Galaxy nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kemtarpflap, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Kemtarpflap, it will turn you into a giant snail.

Kemtarpflap's most sacred site is Gulval in England.

Kemtarpflap's Holy Commandments

1. Learn seven new languages a year.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Never think about asteroids.

5. Erect a giant mauve sculpture of Kemtarpflap in the centre of the settlement.