Gonkabget is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, stupid tapir.

Gonkabget created tapeworms four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gonkabget, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Gonkabget, he will try to impress you with rainbows.

Gonkabget's most sacred site is Skive in Denmark.

Gonkabget's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt cats.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.