Gumflapfat is a god.

He takes the form of an one thousand metre long, stupid hydra.

Gumflapfat created dark energy two million years ago.

If you believe in Gumflapfat, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Gumflapfat, he will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Gumflapfat's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Gumflapfat's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Never mention tortoises.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.

5. Never talk about chlorophyll.